I’ve been dating my boyfriend, Ian, for 9 months now. We always have a lot of fun. He’s really funny - he makes me laugh a lot. He always plans fun dates, so when it’s just the two of us, we have a great time. Recently, I brought Ian to a party at my friend Teresa’s house and introduced him to my friends. It seemed like Ian was getting along with them, which was making me happy. However, after a while it felt like he was getting along with my friends too well. With the girls, I mean. I swear he was flirting with them - especially the prettiest ones. Then today, we went and bought ice cream cones by the beach, and I could swear he was chatting up the serving girl. But then again, maybe he’s just nice? I don’t want to be a jealous girlfriend, but I don’t want to have to worry about my boyfriend’s loyalty either. What should I do, Debby?
Feeling Jealousy, SANTA MONICA, CALIFORNIA.
Dear Feeling Jealousy,
It sounds like Ian is a charmer. He has definitely charmed you! But you are starting to see the downside of getting serious about an attractive man: others will fall for him too.
The only way this kind of relationship can work is if you feel that beneath his lovable surface, your partner is a rock of fidelity and loyalty. It sounds like you already know this is not the case with Ian. There is one thing left to do. End it now. End it before you are more in love and before you get badly hurt.
Look for Mr. Loyal and Less Charming to date next.
- Get along (with) [sb] (phr. v) - to be friendly (with) [sb]
- Swear (v) - to be sure or nearly sure about something
- Flirt (v) - to act toward someone as if you find them attractive
- Chat up (phr. v) - to talk with someone you are attracted to, to potentially start a relationship
- Loyalty (n) - being in constant support of someone
- Charm (v) - to make someone like you
- Downside (n) - a disadvantage, a bad point
- Fall for (phr. v) - to fall in love with someone
- Beneath (prep) - under, below
- Rock (n) - a person you can rely on
- Fidelity (n) - being faithful to your partner
Discuss the following questions with your partner(s).
- Do you ever feel jealous? What kinds of things do you feel jealous about?
- How can jealous feelings help us or hurt us?
- How important is trust in a relationship?
- Is flirting harmless fun?
- Is flirting natural for some people? Is it something they can’t stop doing?
- Is it important to you that your partner gets along with your friends? Why or why not?
- What did you think of Debby’s advice? Do you have a better idea?
- Is it better to date someone unattractive so that you don’t have the problem FJ has?
- What do you think will happen to FJ and Ian?
- Would you like to date someone that is ‘Loyal and Less Charming’?